I was in first grade, sitting at my desk. My teacher came and said to get my book bag ready, that my Uncle Tillman was coming to pick me and my siblings up. Of course, we had no idea what was going on. I just remember seeing their van pull up, and my brothers and I got in and they drove us home. They were very quiet, didn't say anything. When we walked into our house, my Grandma was sitting on a dining chair, smack in front of the door, softly crying. I thought that was very strange.
Then my mom gathered all us kids in the living room, along with a lot of other people, and handed us hankies. Then she broke the news that Papa had died. Everybody in the room burst into tears. Except me. I was 6 and didn't know the magnitude of those words. I just remember sitting there watching everybody crying, holding my hankie, wondering what I was supposed to do. And that is all I remember of that day.
And this is where my memories begin. I hate it that I don't remember my dad. Everybody says what a wonderful man he was. How he loved us kids so much. How he was such a strong man of God.
I find it so unfair that SO many people got to experience that, yet his own kids didn't get that privilege. I could really use a dad right now. To hold me and tell me its going to be ok. But I don't have that, so I lean on my Heavenly Father to comfort me.
The last couple years, this date has been more of a remembrance/celebration for him. As the years pass, the pain of loss slowly resolves. But I think this is the hardest year for me yet. I need him now more than ever.
Happy Heaven-versary Papa!!!
You've got the best seat in the house!
I love you and miss what could have been!
Love~Lynnelle
And please don't comment on how *cute* it is that I still call him "Papa". It is all I ever called him, it feels very unnatural to call him anything else. Its not a cute factor. Thanks!
And please don't comment on how *cute* it is that I still call him "Papa". It is all I ever called him, it feels very unnatural to call him anything else. Its not a cute factor. Thanks!
Hugs to you Lynelle! Thinking of you today and praying that you will feel your heavenly Father near.
ReplyDeleteP.S. My children call their Dad "Papa". I think they feel a bit odd calling him that in front of their peers sometimes, since most children call their fathers "Dad".
Referring to him as "Dad" would be unnatural for them as well.
Lynelle, this made me want to cry for you! I know how you feel a little bit, because that is how I felt when my Grandpa Hilty died. I remember sitting at his funeral feeling the same way, wishing I could have known this wonderful man. How much harder with your father! We know that God is a good father, and faithful, but it still hurts..
ReplyDeletePraying for you today.
Laura S.
(((HUGS))) Lynelle. I am sure your Dad is watching and is very proud of the woman you've become.
ReplyDeletePraying that your day is filled with unexpected surprises and new memories....reminders of your Dad, reminders that you're loved, and reminders of your Papa lives on...in life and in you.
Happy Heaven-versary! XOXOX
aww girl.. i feel your pain.... true, i had my dad for 18 years, but i still know what your feeling... *hugs* Lyz
ReplyDelete